New Beginnings and Changes
October 2005 – “New Beginnings and Changes”
by Lisa Guyman
Ch-ch-ch-ch ‘Changes’ – that was the song by David Bowie that my 8-year old niece, kept singing to me on her solo Labor Day trip. We hadn’t even heard it on the radio, but it became a theme song that weekend. Just before Paige had flown in (by herself) my roommate had told me she was moving out. So it was that weekend my wheels began to spin about ending the lease on the office I’d been in for 7 years – and working from home.
My first feeling was of freedom, expansion, inspiration and possibility. Then came anxiety, self-doubt, sentimentality and fear. That is what persisted for weeks. I wonder how often we initially know what is right for us and then begin to doubt ourselves and end up confused and stressed? How often do we resist change and push it away when change is really what we are seeking?
An idea that has resonated with me for a long time is ‘that people often don’t make changes because they are afraid to become what they perhaps already are ‘unhappy’ (Gregg Levoy – Callings). It’s very easy to stay with the familiar even if we’re not all that happy. I had created such a beautiful space complete with murals and all and yet it wasn’t really serving me anymore. But as soon as we think of letting go of something (a steady income, a job, a relationship, a home, an office) we can become sentimental and fearful of the loss. We wonder if we’ll be unhappy if we go through with the change.
Our resistance can either indicate that the change we are thinking of doesn’t really support our path or that we have some fears and blocks to overcome. Often, change or growth is about shifting our perspective and taking our next steps right from where we stand. Other times we are called to make bigger changes. Either way we can move towards what we want with concrete action and with our thoughts/feelings (dreaming, visualizing what we want, living with intention, taking time to go within).
At the Chopra Center when ringing in the New Year the staff gathers and Deepak asks for a year ‘filled with great uncertainty.’ Why? Because with uncertainty, comes possibility. Certainty can become limiting. So imagine what you want and stay true to your heart, but stay open to what is unfolding in front of you.
I am feeling more at peace now, after a month of internal struggle. I’ve entirely revamped my house over the last two months – virtually every room is different and I feel new and light and excited for the possibilities that await me. Yes, that voice of self-doubt comes to the surface at times and sometimes quite loudly, but there is also a sense of peace and possibility.
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